Tickle Me Pink

I wish I could be more like those people who prefer to stay at the shallow end of life's pool.  Everything looks so pristine there. The water is clean and clear and you can see your feet.  "Hey, nice pedicure.  What color is that? 'Persimmon Punch'? Is that a new color by Revlon? I like 'Seductive Red' myself."

At the other end of the pool, the deep end, where I go--I don't prefer it; I just seem to float on over there--you can't see your toes.  Well, that's not true.  They're there but they're distorted, and you can't discern toe polish from toe fungus.  The deep end can be scary.

By staying in the shallow end, there is little or no worry.  Drowning? Nah. Drain pipe might trap you? Nope. Grabbed by the feet and pulled under water? Not likely. Hit by a cannonball diver who didn't see you? No. Sunburn? "Not since I switched to Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-Touch Sunblock, SPF 100.  It leaves my skin feeling so soft and smooth, and it's waterproof. Did you know it's dermatologists' #1 recommended sun care?  I'm going to the tanning salon later.  Would you like to come along? They give pedicures now. I'm going to try 'Tickle Me Pink.'"

MEANWHILE, DOWN AT THE DEEP END...

My top has come off.  I am so embarrassed.  It must have happened when that creepy pervert grabbed my feet and pulled me under, or maybe it was that cannonball I just did.  Are you okay?  Sorry, I didn't see you there.  Not only has my top come off but I can't find it.  It's white with red hearts on it.  No, that's not it.  Eowwwww!  What is that?  That is really nasty. Where did you find that?  Stuck in the drain pipe?  What else is down there?  Really?  That bad, huh?  No, I don't want to see it.  Okay, show me.  Oh, my goodness gracious! I'm headin' back to the shallow end where everything looks clean and clear and you can see your pedicure.