All You Have to be is Good

So then I said to my mother, "I'm not going to church anymore and you can't make me." Well, of course that was the most ridiculous thing I could have said. "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing you could have said," she said and then instructed me to get dressed for church.  Since announcing my plans to stop going to church didn't work, I came up with another plan. "I'm sick and I can't go to church today," I told her when she came back into my bedroom and found me still in bed. "We'll just see about that," she said, leaving the room long enough to retrieve a thermometer. I found a heating pad and while she was getting dressed, I put the tip of the thermometer inside the cloth covering. As soon as I heard the doorknob wiggle, I stuck the thermometer in my mouth. With a smirk on her face, she jerked it out of my mouth and brought it within inches of her doubting eyes. That's when the screaming started and continued nonstop until Orville came running into my room. He could not imagine what could have been so horrific, so terrible, so bad to solicit glass-breaking screams from his wife.

As it turned out my temperature was so exceedingly high, that the end of the thermometer had broken off. Now, you have to admit that when someone's temperature is so high it breaks the thermometer, there is some serious concern going on, right? Maybe even some screaming, right? Immediate medical help would be in order, right? Nah! After the screaming episode subsided, things were put back into their order of importance and Mother left for church, leaving me alone in my bedroom to die a horrible death all by myself.

Okay, I was faking it, but she didn't know that.