You Can't Do It!

They couldn't bear it. Mother was leaving Hazel after seven years to marry the man she loved. Oh, Lord, there were so many reasons why this was a bad idea, so one day Hazel and the family called the pastor over to the house to try to change Louise's mind.

At first Mother was confused.

Confused

All her life she thought all she had to be was good: do the right thing, follow the rules. But everyone was always telling her what to do, how she should live her life. Now that she has found love, shouldn't they be happy for her? Shouldn't they support her decision to marry Royal Orville.

No! No! No! No! No!

Grandmother said that God does not approve of divorce, and to remarry is a sin that is worthy of spending eternity in hell. And besides, the man is an Indian. She knew there was something in the bible about not marrying Indians but she didn't know where is was off hand.  When Mother told Grandmother that he was a Christian and he attended The Church of God, Grandmother said, "Oh no! Not The Church of God! They have it all wrong. They're all going to hell."

Hazel said that she rescued Mother and her two girls and took care of them for seven years. When Mother needed her she was there. It was a sacrifice that Hazel did willingly. Now that Hazel needs Mother, Mother is leaving her...and for an Indian of all people.

Aunt Gracie said she wanted Mother to be happy, but she was concerned about Judy and Carol Louise. Because of Mother's inability to take care of herself and her two girls after their father abandoned the family, Gracie had taken them in and was a stable mother to them for five years. She handed that responsibility over to Hazel and she did an excellent job. When Mother told her sister that Royal Orville was a very good man with a high-paying factory job, Aunt Gracie said she had heard that, but she still wasn't convinced he was the man for Mother.  She didn't mention that he was an Indian, but she didn't have to because her husband said it for her.

Uncle Jimmy said, "She can't do it! She can't marry that Indian!" Of course, he didn't say the part about  him being an Indian in front of Mother. That would have been wrong.

When Louise asked the pastor what he thought, he said, "You can't do it!" and began to explain why, but Mother had stopped listening.

Mother became sad that no one was on her side. She felt shame and guilt for being so selfish, thinking only of herself.

Guilt & Shame

And then something happened that no one expected. 

Deviance 

She defied everyone and made a decision to marry the Indian from the hills and hollers of West Virginia. The courtship would take about a year and during that time, I would learn the horrific news about how babies are made, almost get myself killed by not one of my future stepbrothers, but both; and I would become painfully aware of just how important I wasn’t—or should I say the perception of how important I wasn’t--in an environment where adult lives mattered more and children were to be seen and not heard. I was becoming aware of where I fit into a family where inattention and distraction felt like indifference at best and neglect at worst.