Nine Reasons for Lying

How observant are you? Did you happen to notice in the prior post The Truth Is that there were ten people on the right side of the room but only nine people raised their hands when asked "Who among you never tells a lie?" That's me with the fly on my head. I didn't raise my hand because I'm a liar. But I only lie when the need arises. Otherwise, I have no problem telling the truth.

By my count, there are nine reasons for lying:

1. Cover Up: A cover up lie occurs when someone does (or does not do) something and they do not want others to know about it. This type of lie is not okay but sometimes is necessary when attempting to avoid very unpleasant consequences.

2. Impress Others: This type of lie occurs when someone feels they are inadequate just as they are, so they say things to give others the impression that they are more than adequate.  I'll write more about "impressing-others lies" when I return from my book tour that will take me around the world. This type of lie is okay if it helps the liar deal with their feelings of inadequacy. Like I said above, more about this when I return from my whirlwind around-the-world book tour. 

3. Spare Feelings: Sometimes lying is necessary when telling the truth hurts someone's feelings. This type of lie is okay. 

4. Avoid Consequences: Whatever the consequence might be that someone would feel the need to avoid it, lying is sometimes the only answer. This type of lie could swing either way: okay or not okay. 

5. Pathological: This is when a person feels the need to lie about pretty much everything. These types of lies could also swing either way, but really this person should not be held accountable for anything they say because they were not mentally-competent at the time of the lie.

6. Exaggerate the Facts: Bend the truth; stretch the truth. Who doesn't do that? Of course, it's okay. Let's move on.

7. Avoid Unpleasant Events or Situations: This is where most of the lies people tell fall: the need to avoid unpleasant events. I'm gonna say this type of lie is okay just because I do it all the time, and I don't want to feel bad about it.

8. Altruistic: This is when someone lies for no gain of their own. They are selfless individuals who lie to help others. I don't know anyone who would do this, but I suppose it's okay--on rare occasions--unless it involves spending time in jail.

9. Manipulation: This is when someone manipulates the truth for their own gain.  I've known people like this, and I'm going to say these lies are not okay for any reason.

There are times when a single lie can encompass more than one of the above nine reasons for lying. For example, a Cover Up can cross over into Spare Feelings and then move on to Avoid Consequences before stopping at Avoid Unpleasant Events or Situations.

Cover Up, Spare Feelings,

Avoid Consequences,

Avoid Unpleasant Events/Situations

The Truth Is

The truth is most people lie but they will lie about it and say they don't. No one ever wants to admit that they lie because, well, liars are bad people; everybody know that.

If you were to ask a room full of people "who among you never tells lies," I would bet my 401K that most people would raise their hands, because nobody wants to admit that they are bad people.

See, I told you nobody wants to admit they are bad people. But the truth is they aren't bad people--except for the lady on the far left; she's definitely trouble. Lying is a human condition; everyone does it, and once I get back from my book tour that will take me around the world, I'm going to blog about lies and why people tell them.

Doubt Nowhere in Sight

Have you ever made a split-second decision to do something with Doubt nowhere in sight, and then after the deed is done, Doubt shows up and admonishes you for not making the right decision? You feel really bad about your poor choice and this makes Doubt happy.

Just yesterday morning, Tom was getting ready to go fishing when our paths crossed as I was going from the bed to my first cup of coffee. He was carrying some blueberries that he was planning to put on his cereal, and being the doting wife that I am, I told him to continue getting ready for his fishing trip, and I would fix his cereal a la blueberries.

But on the way to the kitchen, I tripped and all of the blueberries fell on the floor.

I hurriedly picked them up and put them back in their container.

It was then that I made the decision that "a little dirt never hurt anyone," and in the bowl they went. It was a split-second decision with Doubt nowhere in sight.

I did feel a little sheepish when Tom said these particular blueberries were crunchier than normal but the best ones he had ever tasted.

But then Doubt showed up and I felt really bad.

Tom doesn't know about the blueberry incident and my unpleasant encounter with Doubt, so don't tell him, okay?

The Thing About Doubt

The thing about Doubt--as it relates to self--is you never know if its telling you the truth or just feeding you a line of bull. It will imply that it knows things you don't know--it's much more intelligent than you are--and because of its vast knowledge, it could be very unwise to doubt Doubt.

I've doubted Doubt before and accomplished impressive feats, like that one time--three times actually--when I refused to accept Doubt's concern that the parachute wouldn't open and I would die a horrible death. Doubt was wrong then and it's been wrong many times since, but it still has a powerful hold over me.  Its annoying interruptions in my life can be explained away, Doubt says, by having my best interest at heart. Its purpose is to help me make the right choices in life, keep me from overstating my worth and overreaching my capabilities--like drawing cartoons for example.  Doubt also helps me avoid embarrassing situations, as well as warns me of impending danger.

EMBARRASSING SITUATION

A question posed to me while playing a board game designed to pick out the dumbest participants in the game: "How many seconds are in a minute?"

Doubt: "Don't answer; it's a trick question."

Me: "No, Doubt, I think it's a straight-forward question. I can answer this."

Doubt: "There's a whole lot of people looking at you right now. If you're wrong...just saying."

Me: "But...but...Doubt, I know the answer...I think...but what if I'm wrong? It could be embarrassing."

Doubt: "Just say 'Pass.'  Don't risk being the dumbest person here."

IMPENDING DANGER!

Me: "Okay, I've checked all of the doors and windows; they're locked. I've looked in all of the closets and under the beds. There are no boogey men in the house. I am confident I can go to bed now knowing I'm safe."

Doubt: "Did you look behind the shower curtain? Boogey men like to hide with their chainsaws behind shower curtains. Death by chainsaw is horrible...just saying."

Oh, no! I forgot to check the shower.

I'M GOING TO DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH!

Doubt Slime

Within seconds after my friend told me that my cartoon drawings leave something to be desired,  a big ugly blob of doubt slime handed on my head and wouldn't leave. Taking her comment and adding even more insult, Doubt Slime said, "Your drawings suck! Take them out back and burn them NOW!" 

It wasn't until after I lit the match and Doubt Slime slid off my head and slithered away that I realized I had possibly misunderstand my friend. Maybe what she meant was my drawings were something she desired. They weren't bad at all; they were good, so I ran as fast as I could back to the fire pit behind the outhouse and stomped out the flames with my bare feet.

Okay that last part is an exaggeration. I had my shoes on. But the real story here is that Doubt Slime is gone. No more doubt. My drawings are good. My friend said so, so I think I'll start using more of them in my blog.

Something to be Desired

...and then it hit me.

Oh, hello there. You caught me in the middle of a thought. My friend had said something that I took as a negative comment --"Your cartoons leave something to be desired"--and I proceeded to make decisions (regarding my cartoons) based on the undeniable, irrefutable FACT that my drawings sucked. One person said so, so it must be true. I deleted them from my blog and they didn't make it into my last book I Got Out of Bed for Sesame Street...and then a lightbulb turned on in my head; possibly I misunderstood my friend.  Maybe she didn't dislike my cartoons after all.

We Americans like to use figurative instead of literal terms, such as metaphors, cliques and nonsensical collections of words to communicate. I do it all the time. Can you catch someone in the middle of a thought? How do you take a negative comment? Can drawings suck and thoughts hit? And what about those lightbulbs turning on and off in our head?

See what I mean? Communication can be confusing. And with most communication these days being done via emails and texts, the possibility for misunderstanding increases. When Tom asked his son, Michael, if he wanted to go to dinner with us and he said "I'm down with that,"  I interpreted that statement as "I would rather eat worms than have dinner with the two of you." Maybe it's just me but doesn't "I'm down with that" seem like a negative thing to say? Wouldn't "I'm up with that" make more sense? Doesn't that sound more positive? Oh, never mind. Let''s get back to my friend and her comment, "Your cartoons leave something to be desired." 

It's up to me to accept or reject those negative thoughts that cause me to doubt myself, and right now I choose to reject that pesky little demon that has plagued me for years: doubt. No more doubt. Nope! No way, Jose. Doubt be gone. Doubt not welcome here. My friend likes my cartoons; they leave her with desire, and that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Gotta Take the Bad with the Good

You may have seen this cartoon illustration before--I posted it in June 2014--but when a friend said "your drawings leave something to be desired" I deleted it. I took that comment to mean I'm not a good drawer of cartoon characters. The comment hurt my feelings. I'm sensitive that way, plus I'm a doubter. I doubt myself a lot, so when someone says I'm not a good drawer, I believe them.

A year later, I am rethinking my thinking that someone else's thinking is more important than my thinking, and right now I'm thinking my drawings are pretty dang good. So here again is my cartoon called "Take the Bad with the Good."

Okay, on second thought, maybe my friend is right. Maybe I'm not a good cartoon drawer. I'll sleep on it tonight and delete it tomorrow.