Monday, August 31, 2015

A Member of My Gender

When I asked Tom if he felt the same emotion as I did (shame) when he saw filthy grime and grunge behind the dryer or bird do-do on the deck, he said, "Of course not. Why would I feel shame?" I had an Oprah moment. You know, that moment when you rise above all mere mortals on earth to a place of clarity, a place where you have been given exclusive rights to the truth about certain things. In this case, my Oprah moment was when I realized that women were more likely than men to feel shame and guilt when domestic duties are being neglected. Ah Ha!

From my earliest memories, I remember being told that girls should be sugar and spice and everything nice and clean and neat and sweet and kind and pretty too and lady-like and non-confrontational and organized and thrifty and a good cook and housekeeper and ironer and a good wife and a good mother. Let's just say there were a few expectations that came from me being born with a vagina.

Even though I started out behaving more like a boy, my vagina placed me solidly into the female gender category. (I wasn't aware that I had options back then.)  The voices behind the expectations for me were pervasive and loud and clear. And I didn't object. In fact, I was eager to find my prince and get on with life as a good wife, mother, cook and keeper of the house. But then something went wrong in the grand scheme of things.

I can't say exactly what went wrong--well, I could but I'm not going to. Let's just say there were too many vaginas in my marriage, and I found myself alone with child and working and going to school and maintaining a home. The voices behind the expectations for me did not quiet down; they only grew louder and louder and they were now coming from inside my head, judging me. "How could you let this house get so dusty?" the voices would say. "Shame! Shame on you!"

Meanwhile, back in male genderville, I would predict that there aren't many men out there who feel shame and guilt when passing a dust-covered coffee table. Why?

V.A.G.I.N.A...they don't have one.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Due to some not very nice comments from people named Anonymous, I now have to monitor comments before they are published.