A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Sixty-Six

A funny thing happened on the way to sixty-six. Actually it wasn't just one thing and I don't know if I would call them funny, but it changed my perspective on a few preconceived notions.

SMARTER THAN MY PARENTS

By the time I was fifteen, I was smarter than my parents, but a funny thing happened a few years after my son Jason was born.  I started getting dumber and by the time he was fifteen I was about as smart as a box of used crayons.

HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER

In my teens and twenties, visions of fairy tales, knights in shinning armor, prince charming, and happily-ever-after danced in my head, but a funny thing happened in my thirties.  These illusions were replaced by notices of disconnect, nights alone and confused, days with a stranger, and happy-go-lucky divorce lawyers.

EXPERT ON PARENTING

Before I had children, I was an expert on parenting, but shortly after my little angel was born, a funny thing happened.  (It was from those midnight, 2, 4, and 6 a.m. feedings). I forgot everything. Not to worry, though.  My childless friends were there to tell me what to do.

NURTURE VS. NATURE

Genetics have no influence on offspring and parents have 100% control over how their children behave.  You have to admit that that's funny.  Not true, but funny...and only in retrospect.

APPRECIATION

I used to think that there was a direct correlation between sacrificing for your children and appreciation for your sacrifice from your children, and funny as this may sound, I still think that.  But that appreciation is on a time-delay mechanism that starts screaming the moment that adorable little grandbaby is born.  

SUGAR AND SPICE

If you are sugar and spice, everything nice, and sexy too, your husband will never, ever stray.  Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha.  Wait one soybean-pickin' minute!  That's not funny.

EVERYONE KNOWS YOUR NAME

Remember that invention that's going to make you rich and famous, or that Broadway play that has your name in lights on the marque, that amazing picture you're going to paint, or that novel you've always wanted to write that will propel you into the stratosphere where everyone knows your name?  Remember that? Oh, sure you do!  Well, don't give up.  Keep the faith.  It could still happen.  Remember Grandma Moses?

IT MUST BE TRUE.

"If they say it, it must be true," was what my dad always said.  He trusted everyone, so I trusted everyone, too.   That is, until a funny thing happened over and over and over again.  People lie.  It's a human thing.

BE NICE

Avoid conflict at all costs.  Even if it means being treated with disrespect.  Just take it, honey.  Be nice.  Nice people come in first.  Wait a minute.  That doesn't sound right.

BELIEVE EVERYONE

Believe everyone, especially home repair people.  If they say they will be at your house at 10 a.m., count on it.  Reschedule everything around the fact that they will be on time.  Oh, and the price they give you to do the job.  Count on it being fair and reasonable.  Why are you rolling your eyes?  Don't you believe me?  Okay, I'm lying.  It's a human thing.

MEMORABILIA

Save the ticket stubs from every concert you've attended, keep thousands of loose pictures (with no information on the back) in shoeboxes, and never get rid of old and obsolete documents.  When you're gone, your children will enjoy spending hours and hours going through your memorabilia, or they may just throw it in the trash.  I'm not sure what Jason will do, so I'm saving everything...EVERYTHING.

LOVE

If the person you have chosen to love is mysterious, aloof, not certain how he feels about you, and treats you with a lack of respect then he sounds like the man for old me.  Not me now even though I'm old, but me back then when I was young and smarter than my parents.  Why I didn't think I was worthy of love is as mysterious as the men I chose.  But a funny thing happened on the way to sixty-six.  It occurred to me in my fifth decade that I deserved better.

...and along came Tom...the love, love, love of my life.