The Fountain of Youth

We've been hearing for some time that forty is the new thirty and fifty is the new forty,  but that is no longer true.  Now, in the second decade of the twenty-first century, forty is the new twenty, fifty is the new thirty, and if you can do simple math you can extrapolate from there all the way up to ninety where the twenty-year subtraction ends.  Ninety is ninety.  Sorry Mother.  

Never before in the history of mankind has this age-reducing phenomenon occurred.  What a drastic change from only a few decades ago when forty was considered old.  Women wore their hair short with tight salt and pepper curls hugging the scalp.  Have a few cavities?  No problem.  Just yank those suckers out and get yourself a nice white set of false teeth.   Can't see close up anymore?  How about these exceptionally ugly glasses with a line across the middle?  Are you stressed?  Have another cigarette with your Valium, Honey, and go sit out in the sun for a few hours.  But don't be late for dinner because we're having your favorite:  good old fashioned country-fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, macaroni and cheese, green beans cooked in bacon grease,  all the white bread you can stuff in your mouth, and Grandma's apple pie ala mode.  What?  Can't get up from the table after all that food?  No problem.  Just crawl on over to the couch and take a nap.  We'll wake you up when it's time for bed.

We can stop looking for the fountain of youth.  It's been found.  The discovery has been a joint effort by many interested parties:

Baby Boomers.  Since the 1960's, baby boomers have refused to accept business as usual, and they also subscribe to the Second Law of Thermodynamics: Without proper care and maintenance, all things fall apart.

Plastic surgeons.  These people have no interest in monetary gain.  They just love, love, love making people look pretty.  Oh, and they like big boobs, too.  It's a thing with them.  I don't know why.  But it has nothing to do with money, though. No, really.  It doesn't.

Banks/credit card companies.  These companies derive pleasure from loaning money to people who want to look young and beautiful.  It's not about the money, so don't even go there.  They just don't want old, ugly customers.  It's that simple. 

Nutritionists/Exercise gurus.  These people are sadists and that's all I'm going to say about them.

Aging Movie Stars.  These highly trained experts on anti-aging don’t want to get paid for their expertise on anti-aging.  They’re stinking rich already.  They just want to share their beauty secrets with you.  No, really.  It’s true.
 
Pharmaceutical companies.    Altruistic in nature, always concerned about the welfare of the populace, these companies enjoy playing in their labs making products that can be injected, inserted, consumed, and applied by the masses of people who just want to look twenty years younger than their actual age.

Dr. Oz.  Speaking of looking twenty years younger than your actual age, Dr. Oz has a website for that.  www.RealAge.com.  Yes, if you act now, you can actually shed twenty years and not even get out of your chair.  But wait; there's more.  Dr. Oz has absolutely no interest in money.  He just loves to help people.


Can you tell which one of the two women below is older?

You guessed it.  The one on the right.  That picture was taken on Mother's Day 2012 and my sister Lynnette is fifty-two.  The picture on the left is our grandmother and it was taken on Mother's Day 1942; she was fifty.