The Thing About Doubt

The thing about Doubt--as it relates to self--is you never know if its telling you the truth or just feeding you a line of bull. It will imply that it knows things you don't know--it's much more intelligent than you are--and because of its vast knowledge, it could be very unwise to doubt Doubt.

I've doubted Doubt before and accomplished impressive feats, like that one time--three times actually--when I refused to accept Doubt's concern that the parachute wouldn't open and I would die a horrible death. Doubt was wrong then and it's been wrong many times since, but it still has a powerful hold over me.  Its annoying interruptions in my life can be explained away, Doubt says, by having my best interest at heart. Its purpose is to help me make the right choices in life, keep me from overstating my worth and overreaching my capabilities--like drawing cartoons for example.  Doubt also helps me avoid embarrassing situations, as well as warns me of impending danger.

EMBARRASSING SITUATION

A question posed to me while playing a board game designed to pick out the dumbest participants in the game: "How many seconds are in a minute?"

Doubt: "Don't answer; it's a trick question."

Me: "No, Doubt, I think it's a straight-forward question. I can answer this."

Doubt: "There's a whole lot of people looking at you right now. If you're wrong...just saying."

Me: "But...but...Doubt, I know the answer...I think...but what if I'm wrong? It could be embarrassing."

Doubt: "Just say 'Pass.'  Don't risk being the dumbest person here."

IMPENDING DANGER!

Me: "Okay, I've checked all of the doors and windows; they're locked. I've looked in all of the closets and under the beds. There are no boogey men in the house. I am confident I can go to bed now knowing I'm safe."

Doubt: "Did you look behind the shower curtain? Boogey men like to hide with their chainsaws behind shower curtains. Death by chainsaw is horrible...just saying."

Oh, no! I forgot to check the shower.

I'M GOING TO DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH!